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~ PERSONAL HARM STORY BY SARAH T. – 19 years old ~

WARNING: DISTURBING CONTENT

I grew up in a fairly big family in which I had three brothers and two sisters. I was the youngest of all of them. My family was fairly religious, and I always viewed my life as “perfect.” It wasn’t until I was in fourth grade (nine years old) that my life changed forever.

The youngest of my brothers, Ryan, who was sixteen at the time, invited me to a movie sleepover in the basement of our house. This was exciting for me because it wasn’t often that Ryan was this nice to me, or that I was able to stay up late in my own home. I gladly accepted, and we watched a couple of movies.

I was on one couch and Ryan was on the other. The couches were fairly close to each other — within arms’ reach. I remember Ryan kept leaning over and looking at me, and I never understood why — until the night was over. He had planned in his mind that this was the night he was going to sexually abuse me.

After the movie was over I started falling asleep. I looked over, and it appeared Ryan was asleep as well, but his hand was in an odd place and was resting on the couch I was laying on. After he thought I was asleep is when he started to perform the rest of what he had planned.

I was too scared to open my eyes. I truly wanted to believe that Ryan was sleeping, and that he believed I was someone else. I was afraid, and didn’t know what to do or believe.

The next day I didn’t quite understand everything that had happened to me. I had run to my room in the middle of the night and managed to fall asleep there. Right when I woke up I took out my journal and wrote down everything that had happened to me in detail. I read it over and cried. I couldn’t help but believe that it was my fault for everything that had happened.

Later in the day I had an urge to share this experience with someone. I gave the journal to my older sister Ashley, and I ran into the bathroom crying while she read it. I was so ashamed.

Ashley knocked on the door of the bathroom. I opened it and I saw that she too was crying. She then told me that she had been also once been sexually abused by Ryan. Ashley then blamed herself for not telling our parents, because she believed that if she had told them right away after she was sexually abused, then I wouldn’t have had to have go through it as well.

READ THE REST OF THIS STORY AT THE BELOW LINK:

http://www.antipornography.org/harm_stories.html#168236

SHARE YOUR OWN STORY:

http://www.antipornography.org/share_story.html

Please like and share this post to help support the cause! Also please leave supportive comments for Sarah below. Thanks! 🙂

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK PAGE: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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New Harm Story! Hope shares her tragic abuse that led to her understanding the true devastation of porn.

HOW PORNOGRAPHY CHANGED ME FOREVER

– By Hope T. (female, 37, U.S.)

http://www.antipornography.org/harm_stories.html#167794

My story is hard to share since I’m not sure exactly what happened throughout the entire ordeal. I guess I always knew something was wrong with the man that I met when he asked me to lie about our circumstances, after he sexually assaulted me. I was severely traumatized by that time in my life and the events that surrounded them, so I had no idea how to recover from them, and I ended up in a toxic field that I believe puts me speaking here now.

I felt that since we had already been intimate that there was no backing out of it. I had been married before meeting him, and only intimate with my husband before him. So, it had been just my ex-husband for about ten years, then in one night it was all gone. I felt like a slut and awful.

I dated this man and quickly learned that there was something very wrong with him. He was very abusive and hiding things, one of which was a deep interest in porn. I discovered this on his computer.

Soon enough he began to share intimate knowledge of my body with a close friend, which horrified me on top of the rape. I wondered how his friend knew, and they would pick on me and insult me. The objectification was obvious by him and his friend, as well as a serious attempt to hide things. He also had no problem being an exhibitionist himself, and would do odd things to me when we were just going about ordinary, everyday activities. I learned to just freeze and let these moments pass.

Things came back to me, such as sex to him always being an act that was very much not about connecting, but about control and performance. I learned to survive the experiences, not enjoy them. I did my best to block them out and get through them, and pretend them away — as an actress would. He would do degrading things at times that I won’t fully share, and I was terrified to confront him.

I always had a feeling that the acts were being forced or compelled on me at times, and when I would not agree to things that he wanted, he would look to others for release. I am grateful I did not agree to do many things because of my values. He had pressure me to have sex in public, despite me repeatedly saying “no” — among other terrible requests to which I had to repeatedly tell him “no.”

I was thrown into this relationship as a victim of rape — scarred and scared. He did the crime, provoking and incapacitating me, never letting me know his guilt because he knew I would go to the police. Then his entire objective, I believe, seemed to be the hinting at several ways to get me into compromising sexual moments in order to expose me and himself — whether for money, boredom, or just because he was severely twisted. I never saw any tapes, but I believe that he made them.

I think back at how horrified I am day to day. Comments he made to friends about my body, comments he made about noises I made during sex — as if they were to be heard by other people — made me literally want to vanish off of this earth.

I am one of the most bashful people on the planet when it comes to intercourse. I had been with one person, ONE male before him in nearly a decade, and he took me and tried to turn me into what felt like or what I would call a prostitute. I would not know how I feel much different from one now.

I am devastated by this realization. It was not my choice or with my knowledge, even though I always knew something was very wrong. I also knew that if I ever questioned him on certain things he would become violent, so I think I knew it was not safe to talk about.

I am still afraid. I don’t know how to piece it all together for sure. That is partly why I’m here. He was clearly diseased severely, and thought he could take, intimidate, and dismantle another woman for his gain, and with no repercussions. He didn’t care about my values or morals and what it would do to my life one bit.

I will tell you nothing has kept me up more nights as much as this catastrophe. Nothing has made me want to take my own life as much as this heart wrenching tragedy has. This is to say because it was not my choice, and he was fully cognizant of what he was doing the entire time, along with his cohorts. I would never ever have agreed to the things he began, requested, and did deceitfully.

And since I ended the relationship I had with him, which was coated with lies and abuse, I have been with no one, and have spent my time trying to make my life better. I have felt like the slut or criminal, when again I did nothing. This again makes me cringe. The things he exposed or shared were sacred things to me, and I’m still not sure how to recover, but somehow, somewhere, I will find the strength.

The thought of other men, women, or people looking at my naked flesh, and seeing me have sex without my knowledge, makes my blood boil. Especially since they saw me with a man who raped me, and while doing acts that degraded me without my consent. If he had asked, he knew the answer would have been, “No way!” I’d have blown up in a full rage if he had requested. I’d have stood there and taken whatever abuse came my way.

So in my experience… my story… my power was taken away from me and shared with who knows how many people. When I walk into the world every day, I wonder if people might know me or recognize me from sick images released by a sick man. I hope not. It saddens me beyond repair. It breaks my heart because the choice was not my own, as I have reiterated so many times throughout this passage.

I wonder how many people know that? And if so, if they would continue to feed a sick monster like the porn industry because of my story. Will anyone now watch porn and wonder, “Did that woman get tricked into this?Or is she being drugged and raped? And if so, then I will refuse to watch this. I want no part of this.”

Do you know how many women out there are dying inside because of this violation? It has changed my worldview on this industry forever.

http://www.antipornography.org/harm_stories.html#167794

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Please like and share this story, and leave your comments for Hope here where she can read them. Thanks! 🙂

Read more harm stories:

http://www.antipornography.org/harm_stories.html

Share your own story:

http://www.antipornography.org/share_story.html

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK PAGE: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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Stop Porn Culture – Official UK Chapter launch and International Conference March 14 and 15! Please support — and attend if you can!

More info & registration for conference:

http://stoppornculture.org/events/5/spc-intl-conference-london-march-15/

More info & registration for workshops:

http://stoppornculture.org/events/9/2-day-spc-london-conference-march-15-day-2-workshops/

MORE INFO on OTHER upcoming SPC events, including one this summer in the U.S in July in Boston, July 7-11:

http://stoppornculture.org/events/

Also please support the cause and SPC by LIKING their Facebook Page, subscribing to them at YouTube, and following them at Twitter and Tumblr! 🙂

http://www.facebook.com/StopPornCulture

http://www.youtube.com/SPCorganization

https://twitter.com/StopPornCultur1

http://stoppornculture.tumblr.com/

Here is the SPC Facebook post that confirms the date switch of the conference and workshops: (The conference was previously scheduled on Friday.)

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK PAGE: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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Making the world a safer and better place for everyone is a TEAM EFFORT, so we are very grateful for all of you who are stepping up to help! 🙂

~ And to those who aren’t yet following us at Facebook, we invite you to join us! 🙂

http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation

Thanks again! 🙂

The team at AntiPornography.org
A 501(c)(3) Nonprofit Organization

~~ Please feel free to make a tax deductible donation to support our efforts further, if you’re able to! Thanks! 🙂

http://www.antipornography.org/donate.html

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK PAGE: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🙂

May 2014 be a very happy, healthy, fulfilling, prosperous and productive year for everyone! Many thanks to all supporters and best wishes to all!

The Board, Staff and Volunteers of AntiPornography.org

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK PAGE: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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Best wishes for peace, love and happiness to all of our great supporters and your loved ones! And to all good people everywhere! 🙂

P.S. If anyone would like to support the cause by giving our organization a holiday gift, we do accept and are very much in need of tax-deductible donations! We’d like to do a lot more in 2014 to help survivors exit the sex industry, transition successfully to better lives, and then speak out, but this is a very costly endeavor and we can’t do it without your support. So we hope you will consider doing YOUR part to help us to help others! Thanks! 🙂

http://www.antipornography.org/donate.html

We also are very much in need of another computer or tablet or both, to increase our ability to do work to fight porn and sexual exploitation. So if anyone would like to donate a new or used computing device, please let us know! Thanks! 🙂

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK PAGE: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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So it looks like America is not only addicted to CONSUMING pornography, but to MAKING it! ~~ We think that the U.S. should be ASHAMED to be the undisputed “leader” in porn production, which is of course an industry filled with degradation, dehumanization, racism, misogyny and exploitation. What do YOU think?

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK PAGE: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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