STARSHINE’S STORY: Please read and share this powerful new harm story by a smart young man who decided to quit using porn! He figured out how harmful porn was to both himself and women, and then did the right thing. Starshine is setting a great example to everyone by speaking out, so please show him some love and support by liking this post and commenting. Thanks! 🙂 (Full story below, as well as at link below that.)
NOTE: He also encourages others to stand up and speak out, so we hope all of you reading this will do so!
WATCHING PORN IS A SELFISH PURSUIT THAT SUPPORTS HARM TOWARDS WOMEN EVERYWHERE
By Starshine
(Male, 20, bus driver, Ohio)
Hi everyone, I’m a 20 year old male who wants to talk about how pornography has affected his life. I also want to say that this is all about online porn; I was born in 1993, so by the time I was online, the Internet had already been fairly developed, especially in this domain. I am writing this to talk about how pornography affects me, what helped ignite a desire to leave it, and hopefully to inspire others to do the same!
When I was maybe 7-10 years old, I had first accidentally seen porn when I was probably on a crack/warez site. At first I felt shocked and scared at the images I’d seen. I was wondering if what I saw was an actual bare breast. I didn’t think people actually took their clothes off like that and I was wondering if it was maybe still covered up. I would always get scared and hit the back button or close the browser. I wasn’t old enough to feel any kind of sexual pull towards people yet, so I was only shocked and bewildered. I was afraid of being caught by my parents and getting in trouble, or getting a computer virus, or seeing something even worse that would haunt my mind for days.
A few years later, after this had happened a handful of other times, I saw it again. But this time it was different. I realized that I actually enjoyed it and wanted to see more. Before long I was deliberately looking at softcore porn, but wasn’t sure what to think about doing it. Even back then I felt tiny twinges of guilt and shame, but my curiosity and pleasure led me onwards to pursue more and more of it. Something just didn’t feel quite right, but I still liked it. I liked seeing the naked female body, something that I didn’t get to see in person.
But it wasn’t until a year or two later that I really felt a desire to see more hardcore pornography, which my curiosity and developing sexual drive eventually led me to. Before then I would always feel that same initial shock until I grew a little older, shying away. When I started watching other material, I also became aware of other stuff where people get “punished” or do “gangbangs” or receive “double penetration”. It seemed like a bit much, and I started to think about what I was really getting into, and maybe that this wasn’t the right thing to look at and participate in.
Although I never really got into the “rougher” stuff, I was still feeling really intense pleasure from watching porn. The women were very beautiful, and they seemed willing to do pretty much any sexual act I would care to see. I wasn’t used to female attention, and it was always something I craved. In pornography, women are always willing to please, always look strikingly beautiful, and always act sexual and enticing. It was like a substitute for the real thing that I always wanted but never had. An escape. But in porn, women always pleased, and with a smile.
However, I soon realized that something was wrong. Sometimes I would watch in horror as the poor young women were being treated so harshly. I would want to reach out and help them and rescue them from what was happening. This isn’t what sex should be all about. I would learn that a lot of pornography turned sex into something it wasn’t; instead of being about love and affection, it became about power, and servitude. It was prostitution, plus a camera. I’d also read a lot of stories from people who were involved in the industry, and they weren’t pretty. By watching porn, I was supporting this harm towards a lot of women everywhere.
In school, I’d heard the other boys talking about porn and sex in a rather patriarchal way. I think that the male-dominated sex that is so prevalent in porn shaped their perceptions of sex. In other words, it was like their sex education that taught them what sex was all about, and how it should be done. One time, they even made jokes during an assembly about yearbook photography! It was really getting out of hand and becoming mainstream in their minds. They watched it during class. They made more references to it. I didn’t like it at all, but I felt pressured to conform to it in order to fit in.
I’ve also found that porn often clouds my mind when I don’t want it to, especially in sexual encounters. I’ve thought about it during real-life sexual encounters with people before in order to feel aroused, which I find disturbing. This got better as I made more progress in eliminating porn from my life, however. I’ve also found that porn has perhaps turned me into sort of a sexual narcissist. I had begun to view people as objects for my sexual pleasure, instead of fellow beings who also have needs and desires. Porn is a very selfish pursuit. It’s all about you, and what you want to see. Often at the expense of others, you can get anything you wish. It’s all out there for you to see.
Despite this awareness, I found it very difficult to stop looking. It was just too enticing, their beauty, smiles, and gazes. I eventually decided I’d go to the library if I wanted to use the computer and go online. Being around other people in that type of environment eliminated that desire altogether, and perhaps it’ll help others who read my story, too! (Even so, I’ve seen other people look at it at the library!)
Today I still feel the urge to look but I’m staying strong and avoiding it it, replacing it with better, healthier things. I yearn for the day that my body mind are totally porn-free. It’s going to take some work and effort, but I believe it can happen. I want to be free again.
Thank you for reading my story, and I wish you the best if you or someone you care about is dealing with pornography, addiction to it, or sex trafficking. There is a lot of evil in the world, but if we take a stand, we can put an end to it and make a lot of lives much better. Let’s work to end these evils, and improve lives and the world as a whole!
Best wishes to you all.
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LINK TO STARSHINE’S STORY AT OUR WEBSITE:
http://www.antipornography.org/harm_stories.html#167409
READ MORE HARM STORIES:
http://www.antipornography.org/harm_stories.html
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