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New Harm Story! Hope shares her tragic abuse that led to her understanding the true devastation of porn.

HOW PORNOGRAPHY CHANGED ME FOREVER

– By Hope T. (female, 37, U.S.)

http://www.antipornography.org/harm_stories.html#167794

My story is hard to share since I’m not sure exactly what happened throughout the entire ordeal. I guess I always knew something was wrong with the man that I met when he asked me to lie about our circumstances, after he sexually assaulted me. I was severely traumatized by that time in my life and the events that surrounded them, so I had no idea how to recover from them, and I ended up in a toxic field that I believe puts me speaking here now.

I felt that since we had already been intimate that there was no backing out of it. I had been married before meeting him, and only intimate with my husband before him. So, it had been just my ex-husband for about ten years, then in one night it was all gone. I felt like a slut and awful.

I dated this man and quickly learned that there was something very wrong with him. He was very abusive and hiding things, one of which was a deep interest in porn. I discovered this on his computer.

Soon enough he began to share intimate knowledge of my body with a close friend, which horrified me on top of the rape. I wondered how his friend knew, and they would pick on me and insult me. The objectification was obvious by him and his friend, as well as a serious attempt to hide things. He also had no problem being an exhibitionist himself, and would do odd things to me when we were just going about ordinary, everyday activities. I learned to just freeze and let these moments pass.

Things came back to me, such as sex to him always being an act that was very much not about connecting, but about control and performance. I learned to survive the experiences, not enjoy them. I did my best to block them out and get through them, and pretend them away — as an actress would. He would do degrading things at times that I won’t fully share, and I was terrified to confront him.

I always had a feeling that the acts were being forced or compelled on me at times, and when I would not agree to things that he wanted, he would look to others for release. I am grateful I did not agree to do many things because of my values. He had pressure me to have sex in public, despite me repeatedly saying “no” — among other terrible requests to which I had to repeatedly tell him “no.”

I was thrown into this relationship as a victim of rape — scarred and scared. He did the crime, provoking and incapacitating me, never letting me know his guilt because he knew I would go to the police. Then his entire objective, I believe, seemed to be the hinting at several ways to get me into compromising sexual moments in order to expose me and himself — whether for money, boredom, or just because he was severely twisted. I never saw any tapes, but I believe that he made them.

I think back at how horrified I am day to day. Comments he made to friends about my body, comments he made about noises I made during sex — as if they were to be heard by other people — made me literally want to vanish off of this earth.

I am one of the most bashful people on the planet when it comes to intercourse. I had been with one person, ONE male before him in nearly a decade, and he took me and tried to turn me into what felt like or what I would call a prostitute. I would not know how I feel much different from one now.

I am devastated by this realization. It was not my choice or with my knowledge, even though I always knew something was very wrong. I also knew that if I ever questioned him on certain things he would become violent, so I think I knew it was not safe to talk about.

I am still afraid. I don’t know how to piece it all together for sure. That is partly why I’m here. He was clearly diseased severely, and thought he could take, intimidate, and dismantle another woman for his gain, and with no repercussions. He didn’t care about my values or morals and what it would do to my life one bit.

I will tell you nothing has kept me up more nights as much as this catastrophe. Nothing has made me want to take my own life as much as this heart wrenching tragedy has. This is to say because it was not my choice, and he was fully cognizant of what he was doing the entire time, along with his cohorts. I would never ever have agreed to the things he began, requested, and did deceitfully.

And since I ended the relationship I had with him, which was coated with lies and abuse, I have been with no one, and have spent my time trying to make my life better. I have felt like the slut or criminal, when again I did nothing. This again makes me cringe. The things he exposed or shared were sacred things to me, and I’m still not sure how to recover, but somehow, somewhere, I will find the strength.

The thought of other men, women, or people looking at my naked flesh, and seeing me have sex without my knowledge, makes my blood boil. Especially since they saw me with a man who raped me, and while doing acts that degraded me without my consent. If he had asked, he knew the answer would have been, “No way!” I’d have blown up in a full rage if he had requested. I’d have stood there and taken whatever abuse came my way.

So in my experience… my story… my power was taken away from me and shared with who knows how many people. When I walk into the world every day, I wonder if people might know me or recognize me from sick images released by a sick man. I hope not. It saddens me beyond repair. It breaks my heart because the choice was not my own, as I have reiterated so many times throughout this passage.

I wonder how many people know that? And if so, if they would continue to feed a sick monster like the porn industry because of my story. Will anyone now watch porn and wonder, “Did that woman get tricked into this?Or is she being drugged and raped? And if so, then I will refuse to watch this. I want no part of this.”

Do you know how many women out there are dying inside because of this violation? It has changed my worldview on this industry forever.

http://www.antipornography.org/harm_stories.html#167794

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Please like and share this story, and leave your comments for Hope here where she can read them. Thanks! 🙂

Read more harm stories:

http://www.antipornography.org/harm_stories.html

Share your own story:

http://www.antipornography.org/share_story.html

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK PAGE: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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Stop Porn Culture – Official UK Chapter launch and International Conference March 14 and 15! Please support — and attend if you can!

More info & registration for conference:

http://stoppornculture.org/events/5/spc-intl-conference-london-march-15/

More info & registration for workshops:

http://stoppornculture.org/events/9/2-day-spc-london-conference-march-15-day-2-workshops/

MORE INFO on OTHER upcoming SPC events, including one this summer in the U.S in July in Boston, July 7-11:

http://stoppornculture.org/events/

Also please support the cause and SPC by LIKING their Facebook Page, subscribing to them at YouTube, and following them at Twitter and Tumblr! 🙂

http://www.facebook.com/StopPornCulture

http://www.youtube.com/SPCorganization

https://twitter.com/StopPornCultur1

http://stoppornculture.tumblr.com/

Here is the SPC Facebook post that confirms the date switch of the conference and workshops: (The conference was previously scheduled on Friday.)

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK PAGE: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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Making the world a safer and better place for everyone is a TEAM EFFORT, so we are very grateful for all of you who are stepping up to help! 🙂

~ And to those who aren’t yet following us at Facebook, we invite you to join us! 🙂

http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation

Thanks again! 🙂

The team at AntiPornography.org
A 501(c)(3) Nonprofit Organization

~~ Please feel free to make a tax deductible donation to support our efforts further, if you’re able to! Thanks! 🙂

http://www.antipornography.org/donate.html

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK PAGE: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🙂

May 2014 be a very happy, healthy, fulfilling, prosperous and productive year for everyone! Many thanks to all supporters and best wishes to all!

The Board, Staff and Volunteers of AntiPornography.org

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK PAGE: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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Here is a very powerful documentary that shows just how very UNSAFE porn truly is. It was made awhile ago, but the recent HIV outbreak in porn demonstrates that nothing has really changed.

WARNING!! VERY GRAPHIC & DISTURBING CONTENT!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fX4TngmWtbg

DESCRIPTION: Porn performer Darren James was diagnosed with HIV in early 2004, and then infected several women, which led to a two month shutdown of the adult movie industry in Los Angeles. Featuring Sharon Mitchell, founder of the Adult Industry Medical Health Care Foundation and Rob Black, producer of Gonzo pornography.

Please don’t forget to like, comment and share to spread the word and support the cause. Thanks!

NOTE: We are not embedding the video in this post because of how graphic its thumbnail is.

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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Are you looking for a VERY POWERFUL documentary to show people you know who think pornography is harmless? Try The Price of Pleasure!

WARNING! VERY GRAPHIC AND DISTURBING CONTENT!!! FOR OVER 18 ONLY!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWT6QV5O9p8

For more info, visit:

http://www.thepriceofpleasure.com

http://www.mediaed.org/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=235

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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NEW ANTI-PORN DOCUMENTARY: Featuring AntiPornography.org volunteer, ex-porn performer VANESSA BELMOND

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There is a NEW UK DOCUMENTARY that has been made on the harms of pornography! It will air Monday October 21 on Channel 4 and will then be posted on their site for 30 days! (Free On Demand.)

“Date My Porn Star” may not sound like an anti-porn doc, but it really is! And one of the things that makes it anti-porn is that our very own volunteer, ex porn performer Vanessa Belmond, is appearing in the documentary! She shares the HARSH TRUTH about porn with three male porn fans, and really wakes them up! 🙂

[Channel 4] – Watching porn has never been easier. With hardcore sexual imagery just a click away, more and more people, of all ages, are accessing porn. For many it not only forms part of their sex life, but can become a daily or even hourly fixture.

In this documentary, part of the Campaign for Real Sex, three British porn obsessives explore the boundaries between sexual fantasy and reality as they travel to the heart of the porn industry in Los Angeles to meet their favourite adult movie stars.

Forty-year-old Jonathan, 20-year-old Kevin and 23-year-old Danny are anticipating the trip of a lifetime. As well as meeting their porn idols, however, the men get more than they bargained for as they are faced with a darker and less glamorous side of porn.

Seeing their porn idols in action on set is enticing. But when they discuss their life and the value of real and lasting relationships it comes as a surprise for the men.

When they visit a low-end porn studio and witness a casting conveyer belt of wannabe porn stars, followed by a porn orgy that’s deeply degrading for female actors, the men begin to question their views.

The final meeting with an ex-porn star, who shares her candid, harrowing story, could be the final tipping point. Exposed to the challenging realities of the industry, can the men continue to reconcile their sexual fantasies with their experiences in porn-land?

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NOTE: We will be sharing a lot more about Vanessa soon, including about 15 articles that she has written, and about 15 videos that we’ve done together! 🙂 But in the meantime we just wanted to let you know that Vanessa is going to be in this documentary, and that she did a great job! We hope all of you who are in the UK will watch this program and let us know what you think! Thanks! 🙂

http://www.channel4.com/info/press/programme-information/date-my-porn-star

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK: AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love ~~ http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation ~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS: AntiPornographyBlog ~~ AntiPornographyOrg ~~ SayNOtoProstitution ~~ ENDSexTrafficDEMAND ~~ PornAddictionHelp ~~ SayNOtoSadomasochism ~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS: @AntiPornography ~~ @ENDSexTraffic ~~ @ENDProstitution ~~ @NoSadomasochism ~~ @PornAddictHelp1 ~~ @HealthySexNLove ~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

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